If you ever think I’m being unfair to Najib, let me assure that I don’t falsify any of my information regarding the man. It’s all true.Below is one of those “You had to be there” moments from two weeks ago, but hopefully it illustrates what I’m talking about.

@ Makdauds
Najib: So I met your friend Random Dude* last week.

Zhaki: Uh huh.

Najib: He came into my workplace, looking to buy bananas**.

Zhaki: Ok.

Najib: So he asked some questions, and I answered some questions. I don’t really want to tell you too much, because you’re going to misreport it. You’re like the paparazzi.

Zhaki: But were the questions you answered the ones he asked? Like , did he ask you “How much does this cost?” and you’d answer “It’s twelve o’clock.” Haha.

Later that night…
Zhaki: I think it’s not so much that I misrepresent Najib as it is that the reality of him is so absurd.

Azmi: Uh-huh.

Even later…
Najib: Hey, Anonymous Dude*. Are you still together with Anonymous Girl*?

Anonymous Dude*: Nooo… (note: Said break-up took place two years ago.)

Zhaki: My God.

Najib: Oh, my mistake. Because I knew it was either you or Unknown Dude* that was in a serious relationship and then broke up. So it was you.

Boes: No. It was both of them.

Zhaki: See? See? I don’t make this stuff up! He does it all himself.

So, remember: never misunderestimate Najib.

Pimp my bike
Also, two weeks ago saw the first public appearance of Boestaman’s brand new bike. And by bike, I mean bicycle. It’s a pretty cool mountain bike, admittedly . It set him back quite a bit of money (you can ask him yourself how much)… and he uses to cycle around the neighbourhood. What can I say, the UsDudes floss with the best of them, baby.

*Names changed to protect the innocent.
** Najib doesn’t really sell bananas. He sells cantaloupes.